“Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air – explode softly – and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth – boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn’t go cheap, either – not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination.” ~Robert Fulghum

dictionary.com definition #5 for “Imagination” - ability to face and resolve difficulties; resourcefulness

I may not cover the entire world with imagination but I’m working hard to imagine myself thinner, more fit and stronger.  I’ve embarked on finally losing those nasty 15 lbs that have crept on to my body without my knowledge (okay maybe that is a little fib).  But a crisis has developed with my weight, age, fitness level that surely warrants the Crayola bomb:)  I’m selfish, I admit it I want the looks & smiles & whispers that say “Oh she’s looking fabulous and fit don’t you think?”  So here’s my plan:

After all I did run and walk all last summer & fall in my Vibrams which are spectacularly AWESOME!!  Now that I think about it, I may have already created my very own Crayola bomb!!

“To create and settle into a warm and secure refuge.” 

Evidence that bears don’t actually need their nest to be warm or secure, a simple refuge for the night will do.

I’ve been partying it up all summer so on Labor Day weekend I did a lot of laboring, which didn’t seem like work because I’m a nester, I nest, I love nesting:)

I’m obsessed with finding the perfect mum (yep only one because I want it to thrive and I have a history of forgetting to water and if I only have one maybe it’ll seem more special and I’ll take it under my wing and it’ll thrive), trekking to the farmer’s market early Saturday mornings to covet all the baked goods but leaving with my sack filled with fresh pressed cider and apples, asking at Starbucks if they have their pumpkin spiced latte out yet (i was 24 hours too early), making chili, and pulling out the corduroy, flannel, vests and boots.

Maybe a season can actually be a nest, because the fall season makes me feel safe and warm and closer to my family.  I love hiking in the woods with my slightly manic pup and last fall I even manage to get a “lucky pic” (that’s what Rach calls the one in a million that actually turns out) that takes me to my refuge the moment I glance at it.

and packing up

and heading out on the open road:)

so that for the 7th year in a row we will be pulling into our Golden Pond

and while some may think we’ve succumbed to old age by going to the same lake,

with the same friends (love you guys)

and our spoilt dogs (ditto on the love)

packing all the necessary medications in daily reminder packs:)

for the same two weeks each year, well think again because we’ll take these frozen juices and turn them into rum slushies (notice the double duty Gary:)

so that when we’re sitting on our huge front porch with summer colored glasses, frosted and filled with the ‘nectar of the gods’

we’ll stay well hydrated while reminiscing about our adventures and catch from the day.

There are a few details we won’t have to sweat this year, like the low water conditions and how to dock our boats

even though it all worked out

because you see, sometimes when you  have a good thing (a really really good thing)

you just don’t mess with it!

Memorial day weekend, in our neck of the woods, is shaping up with some long anticipated good boating weather and we’ll be hanging out on our lake knocking the rust off our gear and fishing skills, and partying with our vacation buddies.  So in the next few weeks, when you’re enjoying a cold one, raise your glass and have a cheer on us.  Here’s to spending the next 36 days in giddy anticipation. Egészségédre!

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“one hundred years goes faster than you think” ~Kenny Chesney

and just like that they’re gone:(

it’s August 2007 and i’m all sewing curtains for the new house and i’m wearing those glasses right now as i type this post.

so why is it that the glasses haven’t changed but everything else has?  i’m being selfish i know and i’m always the “gotta let them follow their own path” kind of mom but i’m not feeling it right now.  the last 4 years have been fun

and safe

and happy

and easy (mostly)

mr. doo came into our lives

and our hearts.

we made trips to Ikea and the strip and the waterfront and we laughed and ate and drank and partied and had a wedding and graduation and took girlcations, all the while time was slipping away.

if only i’d known that this time would pass so quickly . . . . well i would have  um well maybe i could have . . . nope i wouldn’t have done anything differently.

i’ll just relearn the route to Boston where we’ll pick up right where we left off

and make new memories because life moves on and i will too.

just for now though, i might pretend this era won’t end and if i squeeze her hand tight enough she won’t be able to wiggle away from me:) just for now.

“sunshine, on my shoulders – makes me happy, sunshine, in my eyes – can make me cry, sunshine, on the water – looks so lovely” ~John Denver

“You´re better then the best, I´m lucky just to linger in your light, cooler then the flip side of my pillow that´s right, completely unaware, nothing can compare to where you send me, lets me know that it´s ok” ~Smile lyrics by Uncle Kracker

since we’ll be apart this week i wanted to take the opportunity to let you know how much you mean to me all . the . time.  you are fun and funny, you make me laugh and love more than i ever thought possible and you still make my heart skip a beat when i’m close to you. i quite possibly might be the most content person on earth, it’s easy with you.

thank you for always helping me make up my mind (i know how indecisive i am), calming my anxiety, building my confidence, making me care about important stuff, inspiring me to cook and read and write and sing (don’t freak, just in the shower) and exercise and fish.

i love being your iPhone secretary, bill payer, laundry doer, shopper, dog comber, and boss of you:) because at the end of the day, when it’s all said and done and the lights go out and it’s just you and me . . . .

“You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe, shine like gold, buzz like a bee, just the thought of you can drive me wild, oh you make me SMILE!”

i know it’s only february but it’s the last full week in february and that has to count for something and on my morning commute this week i was blinded by this light so golden and tantalizing that i swear i was on my way to Kokomo.  not Kokomo, Indiana or Kokomo, Hawaii but the steel drum playing, piña colada drinking, sun dress wearing, toes in the sand, Beach Boys music in my head place.  a smile so big crept onto my face, as i fumbled to find my sunglasses that had been long forgotten at the bottom of the catch-all place in my car, and i wanted to yell “BOOYA, take THAT old man winter, HA!”  that i’m not entirely sure it was just a thought in my head, maybe i actually yelled out loud.  Yea me!

in the spirit of full disclosure i should tell you that i am actually going on a tropical vacation soon. but in the meantime i’ll be in Kokomo.  i have a terrible case of spring fever and i don’t want it to go away. i love the word spring, the sound of it rolling off my tongue, all the definitions of the word spring and every . little . thing. that comes with this renewal process. it’s all about movement and elasticity, resilience, energetic bounce; a time of growth and renewal. makes me just want to dive in and never come up for air, grab every ounce of energy i have and take it to the limit.

i’ve got big plans this year. i’ve joined the running rEVOLUTION (and i’m not a joiner so this is a big step for me) and i’m setting fitness goals that will make me reach, i’m going to Belize to soak up some sun, i’m going to Pirate’s games and fishing in tournaments with Fred, making my annual trek to our remote Canadian vacation without expectations of “staying connected”, i’m organizing (coercing might be a better word) a group of friends and family to join me cycling the Grape Harvest Tour in Northeast, PA and i will be leaving behind all negative thoughts about my body and self at all times.

Kokomo’s a great place to hang out because that silly smile from earlier this week is still plastered to my face.

this picture warms my heart and makes me laugh and cry at the same time. i am so proud to know these girls and to be a part of their lives.  they are strong and confident and smart and witty and talented and resilient and beautiful. And even after all the growing up traumas of step families, moving overseas, shuttling between households, they all remain true to their souls and they come together for each other when they need to. believe me when i say “you want to know these girls”!

the weekend this picture was taken we spent celebrating Megan’s wedding.  not only did we come together, we got ready together and had a fabulous rehearsal dinner where we started walking down memory lane and laughing about all the vacations and fights and idiosyncrasies that we all have.  then we spent saturday morning in Meg’s suite with hair dressers & make up and a photographer. these are girlie girls who love the “getting ready” process and trust me they are pros! from the spanx to necklaces to eyelashes they know what is in and what is lame and they made me feel beautiful and young.  i think the best complement of all came from the photographer when he said he had a great time “photographing and being engulfed in our crazy women tornado.”

that’s not the end though, they all managed to calm meg’s nerves and shuttle her dress (with her in it) through the snow and ice.  hillary sang, rachel gave a speech and lindsay enticed us all to the dance floor.

my life is blessed, i am a better person because of these girls.

i really thought i wanted to have internet access on vacation so i could video chat with the girls and post pics and status updates to fb and check out the news and yadayadayada. i actually checked with Memquisit Lodge before we arrived to see if i would have access and they do have wifi at the lodge but i believe it’s satellite and it was painfully slow and my macbook wouldn’t even load web pages so i just tanked the idea. thank God!  what was i thinking? especially when heading to take a first peek at our cabin we walk up on this

which is the only foot access to our cabin (with a private dock)

and speaking of cabins ours was tucked nicely into the wooded backdrop atop a huge rock

we would get the morning sun on the front porch so on the excruciatingly hot afternoons and evenings we would sit outside and enjoy our pups and the breathtaking view (drinking a daiquiri slush & listening to music)

this was our 6th year on the west arm of  lake nipissing and our 4th year of making it a 2 week event.  i was apprehensive the first year fred approached me about going on a fishing vacation.  after all what was i going to do on a lake in the middle of nowhere? little did i know hard i would fall for our “golden pond”.

i’ve discovered i like to catch big fish

as much as my husband, although he would like to think he really “spanked” me this year on the fish count and size

i think i “spanked” him on enthusiasm

and when i’m not catching fish i can read in blissful silence while still keeping a close eye on my rod.

I do think that Cooper managed to outdo both of us in the perma-grin department as it really was a dog’s dream vacation.

all-in-all from the new kitchen in our cabin

to the company of good friends

and new friends (you’re awesome Alex)

and quiet bogs (with loud bull frogs)

2010 was a smashing success. i’m rested and revived and rejuvenated and reinvigorated.  a big thank you to our wonderful hosts at Memquisit Lodge, Denis & Lisette, Frank & Charlene it is so obvious that you have chosen a profession that you love.  your lodge is warm and welcoming (for dogs as well), your staff is friendly and helpful and you are extraordinary.  thank you for sharing yourselves and your “golden pond” with us.  we will be returning each and every year for as long as you’ll put up with us.

and as always i cannot post without adding a list so here’s my list of things . . .

• rocks below the surface are freakin’ slippery (no more slip dancing ellen)
• rocks thrown from over passes will damage your vehicle
• wide boat gunnels require extra gear (pliers, coffee mugs, walkie-talkies)
• marrow bones should be consumed in moderation
• the area below the rod locker is just high enough to slip your foot under
• remember your foot is under the rod locker before you pick it up
• the OPP will smile for pictures if you ask
• pissed off northern pike and fish hooks can end in hooked fingers
• it really does take 5 business days to get an express package from the US
• bears like oil
• if you knew how you shut your finger in the truck door you wouldn’t have done it in the first place
• 4 packages of Oreos, a jumbo pack of peanut M&M’s, hot-n-spicy Cheez-it and kettle chips will assist in putting on weight
• no cell phone, tv, and internet for 14 days truly is priceless

it’s countdown to vacation and i should be elated with anticipation, enjoying all the planning and packing and wrapping up things but instead i’m getting nervous and inside my own head.  weird right?  am i the only one who does this craziness?  while i’d like to think i can float through life on a wing and a prayer, always this lighthearted, smiling in the rain, fish kissing girl . . . . . .

I CAN’T!!  I get caught up, actually i “trip up” myself and this isn’t something new.  it happens to me all the time.  behind these green eyes is a maze of  thoughts and emotions that i just cannot seem to let roll (like water off a duck’s back. how cool would that be?).  they work their way down into the pit of my stomach and feel like butterflies crashing around until they make me slightly nauseous.  and for what? well, i’ve had 50 years to psycho-analyze myself and i’ve come up with a few theories.  to start i’m a libra, we require balance, and as i said, this is a very delicate process and life is not always so delicate. i’m 50 and menopausal (i really don’t like that word but that’s a post for another time) so while i thought i would sail through this stage of my life with grace and ease, i’m actually fumbling around clumsily readjusting almost daily. i’ve always been borderline OCD and while i can now let some things go, mostly i need order.

phew, here’s where i tell myself “breathe, just breathe dammit” and get your lists together, take it one moment at a time, enjoy the butterflies, they’re a reminder that you’re alive and you really do know yourself.  and you have the best guy

in the world who knows you almost as well (he would argue that he knows me better) as you know yourself. and he is by your side and on your side all the time, not just occasionally but 100%.  he details your car because “it’s more fun to go to work in a clean car” and he picks out pink and yellow straws for your morning protein drink (which he makes you every morning) to match your mood and make you smile.

so know that the excitement of waking up at 2 am saturday morning, loading into the tricked out tundra, hitched up to the awesome lund with my guys will bring those crazy butterflies to a fluttering calm and it will only take 8 hours till i’m standing on a private dock looking out over lake nippising with the fog lifting off the boats, the walleyes waiting down in roger’s bay and my new books tucked into my bag just begging to be read.

p.s. just going through the pictures of last year’s vacation has me smiling and breathing normally (well mostly normally:)